


neatly fold the skeletons (but still can't shut the closet door)

by paopuleaf (orphan_account)



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Body Horror, Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Final Boss Gordon Freeman, M/M, a weird fusion of game and not a game aus. s wild, frenrey is implied and there's the possibility for frenmy later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:46:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25311799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/paopuleaf
Summary: “this game isstupid,benrey, don’t be an asshole about it,” gordon snaps. his voice is raw raw raw, filled with too much anger and not enough, all at once. his hand reaches up to touch his throat, as if he’s unsure if that even came from him. benrey blinks, slow. waits. he has more to say- he always does. “it doesn’t have to be, does it? we can- work together. protag and antag. k- take care of the others. then neither of us have to- neither of us have to die some shitty death!”desperate desperate desperate.benrey is too, as much as they loath to admit it.-yeah, could you take a look at me?am i bad, am i bad, am i bad, am i really that bad?
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta & The G-Man
Comments: 6
Kudos: 80





	neatly fold the skeletons (but still can't shut the closet door)

**Author's Note:**

> the hlvrai hellhole server had a discussion about this au towards the end of june, and i'm finally working through my ideas backlog! big thanks again to autumn along with watchy :]  
> heavily inspired by laplace's angel (hurt people? hurt people!) by will wood. go listen to it !! it slaps !!

benrey doesn’t-  _ get it.  _ doesn’t gordon  _ know?  _ they’re fuckin’- doomed to die, one of them, and it’s going to be  _ them,  _ because they’re the antagonist.exe and that’s just how the story goes, isn’t it? gordon freeman, the protagonist, destined to be the one to put a gun to their head and pull the trigger.

(and he wonders why they never take off their helmet.)

so why does gordon insist on talking to them  _ now?  _ the chance for any kind of reconciliation was thrown out the window the minute they got his fucking arm cut off, and now he’s cornered them (they ignore, carefully, the fact that they could  _ easily  _ escape) in some beatup, dead-end hallway. they’re so close to xen, benrey can feel their form falling apart, flesh decaying under their security guard uniform into a familiar, familiar skeleton. 

“i don’t get you,” gordon says, voice  _ quiet  _ and  _ calm  _ and everything he  _ isn’t  _ every time benrey even moves. they bite back spiteful red sweet voice and stay silent. “i don’t get you at  _ all,  _ dude. why are you doing this?”

a pause. their hand twitches twitches twitches, the edges of his fingers turning transparent, revealing the bones underneath. open. close. open. close. “huh? whuh? dunno what y’re fuckin’- talkin’ about, bro. ‘m not doin’ shit.”

gordon’s gun arm slams into the wall, and oh,  _ there’s  _ the anger. a smirk tugs at their lips. this is familiar, this is right- benrey braces themselves for the gunshots, sinking sinking sinking into flesh and blood and wrong. (does he know it still hurts?) and they wait. 

and they wait.

and nothing… comes.

yeah, gordon looks tense, biting his bottom lip so hard they’re sure he’s gonna break skin, but his gun arm stays at his side, as if glued there. “ _ benrey.  _ please, just- talk to me, for fuck’s sake! i know you have something hidden away in that goddamn head of yours, just- we can even fuse, if you want! tell it to me that way! get tommy in here to translate sweet voice! just-” a crack. he isn’t looking them in the eye anymore. “ _ talk. _ to me. please. i’m sick of being the only one who knows.”

“why.” gordon’s head snaps up, and it’s benrey’s turn to avoid eye contact. open. close. they feel like they’re drowning, emotions shoved shoved shoved down their windpipe before they can ruin them. “you  _ know.  _ so why- why does it matter why ’m doing this. nothin’s gonna fuckin’-  _ change,  _ because you wanna play hero for the goddamn- bad guy. ‘m ‘sposed to be baaaad, g- feetman.”

“this game is  _ stupid _ , benrey, don’t be an asshole about it,” gordon snaps. his voice is raw raw raw, filled with too much anger and not enough, all at once. his hand reaches up to touch his throat, as if he’s unsure if that even came from him. benrey blinks, slow. waits. he has more to say- he always does. “it doesn’t have to be, does it? we can- work together. protag and antag. k- take care of the others. then neither of us have to- neither of us have to die some shitty death!”

desperate desperate desperate. 

benrey is too, as much as they loath to admit it.

in lieu of response, they peel off their glove, holding out a half-skeletal hand to gordon. “wanna fuse, bro?” gordon doesn’t hesitate to press his own against theirs, taking the olive branch. (it’s cracked, decaying, covered in oil and ready to burn at the slightest hint of a match. it’s theirs, though. offered. genuine.)

the fusion doesn’t hurt, not like the last one. probably because this one is  _ willing.  _

they’re used to having their walls up, so high that gordon couldn’t even fucking  _ think  _ about scaling them, but now they feel knocked down, vulnerable, fragile.  _ might as well get it fucking over with-  _

gordon is, abruptly, overwhelmed with memories and emotions and the ghosts of pain and death and- all benrey can feel is a soft  _ sorry sorry sorry,  _ under a wave of anger that isn’t directed at them, for once. 

“i didn’t know it hurt,” they say, finally, the sound odd with the overlying static and overlapping voices. a few red to indigo sweet voice come out of the mouth beneath their chin, dripping with liquid energy.  _ i wish i could’ve known.  _ “‘m so fuckin’ sorry, dude.” 

a shrug. two of their hands twist together, carefully avoiding the eyes in the middle of their palms. “didn’t know. ‘sposed to not, uh, matter, anyway. lmao.” 

“but it does.”

benrey doesn’t have anything to say to that, and gordon just- runs a hand through their mess of hair, closing two eyes as the shadow on their face bleeds. some semblance of- reassurance. “‘s all or nothing, ben,” and that’s a nice nickname, “and ‘m not gonna let you go down without me. promise.” 

“... huh. epic. uno reverse- uno reverse card.” there’s a shaky laugh, and they can’t tell who it’s coming from. maybe both of them. “all or nothing, gordon,” they echo.

a few minutes of silent talking. gordon’s excitement is ramping up, a poor mask of the  _ worry worry worry  _ beneath it.

they unfuse, and benrey offers one last goodbye, watching as gordon heads back to the team. there’s a  _ plan,  _ now, turning over and over and over in their head as they noclip through the map and head to xen. 

_ all or nothing.  _

they really hope they make it to all.

-o-

gordon fights to keep the little grin off his face as the science team platforms up to the xen portal, skin buzzing under the hev suit. they are getting so,  _ so  _ close. 

he couldn’t be more excited. ( _ nervous scared hopeful. _ )

-o-

“mister- mister freeman, we’re nearly to the portal! are you okay?” tommy asks, eyebrows furrowed in concern. sunkist stands next to him, pressed against his leg reassuringly, and it makes him feel- a little better. no less concerned, though, because gordon’s been really fucking quiet, and that’s not right! gordon is loud and anxious (and he should  _ really  _ get some therapy for that; tommy would recommend someone if only he could remember their name). 

right now, though? gordon is calm, quiet, a small smile tugging at his lips. tommy is about ninety percent sure he’s disassociating. 

“‘m fine, tommy, just- thinking about stuff, i guess?” it doesn’t sound like a lie, but it’s definitely not the whole truth, either. he’s not-  _ stupid,  _ or a  _ kid.  _ he can read between the lines, and the spaces sound a whole lot like benrey. 

sunkist tugs at his sleeve, and tommy pets her absent-mindedly, gaze locked onto gordon. he’s avoiding eye contact, and he’s grateful for it- means he doesn’t have to hide the angry flash of red-yellow eyes as he takes a breath. “if you’re worried about benrey, mister freeman, i’m- i’m sure they’ll be alright! and, and, uh, if you’re  _ not,  _ and you’re just- just thinking, i guess, that’s okay too! but please don’t lie to me.”

a slight wince. tommy pushes back the thought of  _ good  _ and waits. “i... sorry, dude. not tryin’ to lie,” gordon says. he’s still not making any fucking eye contact. it’s grating, and he can feel his fingers fraying the thread of his bead bracelet, slow but steady, an impending snap. “it’ll- all… work out, i think.”

(tommy wants to grab him by the shoulders and fuse again, take solace in the comfort and the  _ knowing,  _ because god- he needs to know like he needs air, a deep ache, vicious and cutting in his bones.)

“well that isn’t fucking suspicious at all, gordon!” bubby cuts in, voice sharp with sarcasm, and tommy can’t help but agree. “of  _ course  _ it’ll all work out! we’re getting out of this goddamn hellhole!” 

“what my dear bubby said! i have the utmost confidence in our abilities, gordon!” 

something in gordon’s face twists at that ( _ still no eye contact, for fuck’s sake _ ), and he nods. “yeah. got it, science team.” the air feels heavy, and they’re all silent as they keep going. gordon enters the portal first, and when the rest of the team get through, he’s nowhere to be found. 

“mister freeman?”

“gordon, you dumbass, where did you go?”

“i do believe gordon fell off the edge of xen!”

“like i said. dumba-”

a shadow spreads across the island, and tommy looks up to see benrey, looming with a sharp, sharp grin on their face, hair falling out of their helmet as they laugh. on their shoulder stands gordon, hand resting against the helmet, gun arm raised in a mocking wave. 

“hey, wanna make this  _ fun,  _ benrey?” 

“yeah, bro, let’s put on a show.” 

in a flash, they’re both gone, mocking laughter echoing around the science team as they stand, stock-still and shocked. 

  
“come  _ on,  _ science team!” the overlapping voices call call call. “come and get us, if you can! gotta make this  _ entertaining,  _ after all.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'll include a description of the gordon/benrey fusion in the notes of next chapter! i don't want to. spoil? any aspects of it that will be coming into play :]  
> i hope you guys enjoyed this !! sorry for my disease called "writing series that involve gordon and benrey sharing a body", my brain has just fixated on these ideas now lmao


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